Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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