it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
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I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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