I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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