I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
