Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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