And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
