is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
