Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
