She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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