Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
