I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
