dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
