If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
