If i come over, it means nothing
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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