Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
