I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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