if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
