i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's rum buckets o'clock
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
