DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
