ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
