Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
