So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
