How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
