I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
