Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
