I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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