apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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