i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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