he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
