I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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