It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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