If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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