like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
