I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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