But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
