They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
