well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
