I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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