Im at strip club and am horny
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
