Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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