There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
