She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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