My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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