I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
