You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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