he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
