we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I checked into jail on foursquare
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
