ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
