We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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