I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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