The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
