i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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