i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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