these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
