When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
