He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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