Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
