I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
