The beer is more important than you right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
