Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
why is half of my head shaved?
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