i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
