She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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