I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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