I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you never un-have a 4some
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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