my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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