I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
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What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it's like iHOP with fire
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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