Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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