I faked an abortion last night.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
