$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i love accidental penises.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
