Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I am morally bankrupt
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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