I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
