when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
