morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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