I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
