I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
