I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize