As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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