The maid of honor just puked.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
