already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
