Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize