When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
