Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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