Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
