We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
