So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
