oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
