The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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