Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
